Throwing Balls to the Wall…

…is something I haven’t exactly done before. I quit my job and bought a plane ticket. And I have no idea what I’m going to do after that.

crazysash

SF – Germany – Paris – NYC

People keep asking me what I’m going to do once I get back from my month of traveling. I keep telling people, “I have no idea.” And for once, I’m okay with not knowing. I like the idea of figuring things out as I go.

This time of my life is a constant adventure – totally scary and weird and sad and frightening and I’m ready for this to become a great story to add to my collection: that one time I quit my job and traveled around Germany, France, and New York to live my life and have some fun. Maybe it’s irresponsible and childish of me to leave my problems and walk out the door, but that’s the great beauty in having the freedom of choice in your life, you get to do whatever the fuck you want.

Judge all you want, but I’m fucking excited. Here’s to Crazysash World Adventure #5 (with my best friend Taylor Caldwell)!

Ode to San Francisco

2015-02-28 22.39.17San Francisco is filled with magic. It’s also filled with a lot of human feces, some yuppy tech-stars, and plenty of weirdos. But more importantly, it’s filled with a lot of love, and it’s the best place to be alive.

Through my six months of living here, I have found a new family. I have a new support system that I cannot imagine living without. I have my cousin/bff/twin Shonna, my adopted uncles Nico and Jorge who live in my uncle Jeremy’s old house, my coworker Kim who gets the pleasure of spending 50+ hours a week with me, and countless friends who eat with me, laugh with me, and make plenty fun of me.

I am lucky to have made so many new friends in such a short amount of time here. Through Lyft lines, days in the park, apartment hunting, or walking on the street, I’ve made so many new friends. Never underestimate a stranger. They can wonderfully change your life. You could date one, live down the street from one, or become their coworker. Miraculous things happen when you try new things. Your world is as big as you make it and I still have so many people left to meet.

San Francisco is my heart, my home, my love. My long term relationship with San Francisco continues. Happy 6 months to us! Have you found your magic yet?

Edith

10983192_10153098520562235_1861972502914254373_nI thought my grandma would have lived to see me getting married. In some ways I thought she was “The Eternal Woman” and would outlive us all. How could she not? She was so vivacious, so curious, so independent. I never thought that cancer would have been the reason she had to leave so soon.

When I found out about the cancer, I didn’t think that it would kill her. Maybe I imagined some crazy death story about her riding a camel in the deserts of Egypt and getting kidnapped by gypsies, never to be seen again. Or maybe I just pictured her in her (much) older years, lying in her bed, telling us her final stories before she drifted away peacefully in the night.

What I didn’t imagine was holding her hand and kissing her forehead, whispering to her that it was okay to leave now, that all was at peace, and telling her that I loved her.

I miss her so much already.

She still had so much left to teach me. I only got 23 good years with her, and I’m selfish in saying that wasn’t enough. I’ll miss so much about my grandma. I’ll miss her smiling with a mouth full of food (gross, but also sweet). I’ll miss admiring how confident she was – not a shy bone in her body. I’ll miss her insanely good memory and her stories. I’ll miss her lack of filter, which may have embarrassed me at times (but also made me laugh.) I’ll miss her terrible driving. I’ll miss asking her to have dinner but not being able to find a free moment on her calendar – that woman was far more popular than me.

I’ll miss taking care of her.

I want to live my life the Edith way: Not Giving a Fuck. She did things her way – traveling the world into her 86th year of life, continuing to teach jewelry classes, and belonging to over 10 different clubs/groups/organizations that you could imagine. Sometimes I can barely get myself out of bed in the morning, but my grandma would never waste a day.

She will continue to be my source of inspiration, my best role model, and my hero for a very long time.