I thought my grandma would have lived to see me getting married. In some ways I thought she was “The Eternal Woman” and would outlive us all. How could she not? She was so vivacious, so curious, so independent. I never thought that cancer would have been the reason she had to leave so soon.

When I found out about the cancer, I didn’t think that it would kill her. Maybe I imagined some crazy death story about her riding a camel in the deserts of Egypt and getting kidnapped by gypsies, never to be seen again. Or maybe I just pictured her in her (much) older years, lying in her bed, telling us her final stories before she drifted away peacefully in the night.

What I didn’t imagine was holding her hand and kissing her forehead, whispering to her that it was okay to leave now, that all was at peace, and telling her that I loved her.

I miss her so much already.

She still had so much left to teach me. I only got 23 good years with her, and I’m selfish in saying that wasn’t enough. I’ll miss so much about my grandma. I’ll miss her smiling with a mouth full of food (gross, but also sweet). I’ll miss admiring how confident she was – not a shy bone in her body. I’ll miss her insanely good memory and her stories. I’ll miss her lack of filter, which may have embarrassed me at times (but also made me laugh.) I’ll miss her terrible driving. I’ll miss asking her to have dinner but not being able to find a free moment on her calendar – that woman was far more popular than me.

I’ll miss taking care of her.

I want to live my life the Edith way: Not Giving a Fuck. She did things her way – traveling the world into her 86^th year of life, continuing to teach jewelry classes, and belonging to over 10 different clubs/groups/organizations that you could imagine. Sometimes I can barely get myself out of bed in the morning, but my grandma would never waste a day.

She will continue to be my source of inspiration, my best role model, and my hero for a very long time.